A Gemorial

 Following are a series of poems that I wrote to vent emotions I had while I was falling for Gem.  Each one has a story behind it.  I suppose this post is a creepy memorial of sorts, to the feelings I had (well...as of this writing, still have) for her.

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Just one more
One more kiss
It's what I'm dying for
The memory of your lips
Bestowed upon me with that one gentle kiss
A gentle brush
In a single instant exploded warm soft bliss

And now all I have is a memory
Potent and strong
Etched clearly across the cloudy convoluted blur of that night
But it's not enough
For the memory is soft
But the want grinds rough

Full of potential are you and I
Proof enough when your lips touched
mine...
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I wrote this just after the first time we had hung out.  I had kissed her at 4:30 in the morning while Slowdive was playing in the background (I can't listen to this band anymore due to the personal emotional impact it delivers).  I had been building up my courage all night to kiss her, and I finally did it.  It was one of the sweetest, most romantic (at least to me) kisses I had ever had.  She later kissed me the next day when I dropped her off.  She filled me with just those two kisses such an immense longing, as I have never known.  It all climaxed at that point.  All my rational, cautious, intelligible observations (discipline, smarts, humour, fun, has her shit straight, kind, etc) regarding her as well as the strong emotions I felt for her crashed together and intertwined so beautifully and rose so high.  No one has ever been as amazing as her, in my life.



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In this humble abode I bide
I sacrifice my energy and time
Idling in this room of antiquities
All so I can merely see her again
So that when I look upon her with my eyes
Maybe she'll look back into mine...

My heart tumbles and twists and contorts
Then the next moment it goldenly soars
For within me rages the immortal battle
In which my hopes and fears clash and unravel
Across the convoluted pathways of my mind
------

I actually wrote this at my friend's house (see previous post), while lying on a couch early in the morning. Her house was a farmhouse, which qualifies as a "humble abode", and the room I was in was full of antiques.  I had slept there overnight, merely so I could have another chance to see Gem again, before she took off.  I was feeling rather anxious, as I wasn't sure if she was still interested in me (although, she was according to a little bird who had it straight from her).  These anxieties clashed in quite the contrasted battle with the happiness from my strong feelings for her.  This is expressed in the latter parts of the poem.


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Whenever I'm with her
All I want to do is kiss her
Take her in my arms and call her mine
And whisper sweet nothings while falling into the earthen emerald depths of her eyes
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A simpler, but still sweet poem.  The description of her eyes as "earthen emeralds", as mentioned in a previous post, is the the basis for her alias "Gem", that I use on this blog.  This I also believe I wrote in the room of antiquities.


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Everytime you look at me
A euphoric zephyr warms my heart
And every time you look away
My heart returns to the icy dark

Because without you life feels stale
...And boring
...And obsolete
But life with you is mesmerizing
...And beautiful
...And complete
-------


I was on campus, walking between classes, and I spontaneously had a surge of emotions for her (perhaps I was texting her or something), so I whipped out my ipod, and wrote it down in a note. This poem simply shows how much of a difference it felt like she was making in my life.  We had barely gotten anywhere, I had barely revealed my feelings to her (she knew I liked her, but definitely not this much), and I had already fallen this hard for her.  I still can't really fathom it.  I wasn't rebounding.  I was extremely careful to not let myself get attached senselessly (via rationality and caution), but I came to feeling this strongly.  It's fucked up, to put it bluntly.