Spurts of happiness
In a fountain of sadness
Im not complaining
Im just whining
Identity disputes
Consciousness dilute
Her I want..
Her I don't want..
I shouldn't want...
But I want.
Mad tinklings and twinklings
And moral decay
And shooting stars and jagged reaches off far
And my life in delay
Inspiration I can feel. Feel rip through my essence
A toothpick through towel
This isn't pleasant
But it is.
My heart reeks of desire
For the one I want
But she just flaunts
Flaunts her beauty
Her thoughts now too..
How can I stand this
This moralistic madness
Follow-up as I said I would. This piece was purposefully ill-composed, very rough around the edges, unrefined, obese rambling and stream of consciousness. It symbolizes how I'm trying to ignore Thunder and sweep her out of my consciousness, instead of dwelling on her and perfecting and polishing her memory like a certain gem of the past.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
A Rant To Clear The Decay
Life is hell.
Only 2 months with a girl I didn't even think I'd fall for and I am this miserable?
I need to learn self control. I've resorted to creating a fake facebook account to see pictures of her, as her privacy settings are low. I knew it was the stupidest shit I could do, but I couldn't help it.
It's like getting a big hit of something when you're in withdrawl. It is so fascinatingly sweet, but the cataclysm that follows rends the soul.
Oh well. At least I have this little corner of the internet to help make me feel just a bit better. It's a way to talk without burdening anyone. After my last breakup I wouldn't want to do this again to anyone.
I find it funny that the things which mainly support me from falling completely off the brink is a keyboard and a virtual wall of text.
I have some poetry swirling in my mind. Perhaps I'll compose it and post it this weekend.
Only 2 months with a girl I didn't even think I'd fall for and I am this miserable?
I need to learn self control. I've resorted to creating a fake facebook account to see pictures of her, as her privacy settings are low. I knew it was the stupidest shit I could do, but I couldn't help it.
It's like getting a big hit of something when you're in withdrawl. It is so fascinatingly sweet, but the cataclysm that follows rends the soul.
Oh well. At least I have this little corner of the internet to help make me feel just a bit better. It's a way to talk without burdening anyone. After my last breakup I wouldn't want to do this again to anyone.
I find it funny that the things which mainly support me from falling completely off the brink is a keyboard and a virtual wall of text.
I have some poetry swirling in my mind. Perhaps I'll compose it and post it this weekend.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Like Thunder She Struck Like Thunder She Left
Like thunder she struck,
Like thunder she left,
In a blooming summer bastion I settled,
but every bloom dies with summer,
it holds on...
and holds on...
but its not enough,
all leaves fall,
all blooming bastions become barren and wither and die,
and all light leaves,
in the colossal coming of winter's heart,
she left me...
Just another chapter in my channel of ventilation. More to come. This one came pretty easily as I wrote it in the midst of my emotions. The summer falling before winter in the autumn interlude thing was inspired by my drive home from last seeing her. There was a ridiculous amount of leaves that had fallen in the road behind the church, where I had not noticed before. Awfully suitable, but also beautifully suitable.
I was expecting to be burnt by Thunder. After all...it is dangerous to play with thunder. You get burnt all throughout your body.
One of the big things in all of this is the irony of the situation. I was so unsure about entering this relationship because I wasn't sure if I would come to like her due to our differences. This made me extremely scared that I would hurt her and get bored of her. The complete opposite happened. WHAT was I thinking? Thunder doesn't follow you. It's a force of nature, you follow it, and hope you can keep up with it. The only thing that could have ever happened was for HER to get bored of me. Irony born out of ignorance.
More to come in the future I think, but I'm tired. Goodbye my creative channel.
Like thunder she left,
In a blooming summer bastion I settled,
but every bloom dies with summer,
it holds on...
and holds on...
but its not enough,
all leaves fall,
all blooming bastions become barren and wither and die,
and all light leaves,
in the colossal coming of winter's heart,
she left me...
Just another chapter in my channel of ventilation. More to come. This one came pretty easily as I wrote it in the midst of my emotions. The summer falling before winter in the autumn interlude thing was inspired by my drive home from last seeing her. There was a ridiculous amount of leaves that had fallen in the road behind the church, where I had not noticed before. Awfully suitable, but also beautifully suitable.
I was expecting to be burnt by Thunder. After all...it is dangerous to play with thunder. You get burnt all throughout your body.
One of the big things in all of this is the irony of the situation. I was so unsure about entering this relationship because I wasn't sure if I would come to like her due to our differences. This made me extremely scared that I would hurt her and get bored of her. The complete opposite happened. WHAT was I thinking? Thunder doesn't follow you. It's a force of nature, you follow it, and hope you can keep up with it. The only thing that could have ever happened was for HER to get bored of me. Irony born out of ignorance.
More to come in the future I think, but I'm tired. Goodbye my creative channel.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Dreams, Reflections/Confessions, and An Update
There's a lot of things I want to cover here. I suppose I'll start with the update:
I'm progressing well with getting over Gem, as I'm in a new, "friendship", with a person I will call Thunder. The name suits her for simple reasons: her hair colour, she came flying out of nowhere and we immediately got into what we are now, how impulsive she is, and I guess how "charged" she is.
Now for the reflections/confessions
The fun with Thunder has made me really curious as to why casual rebounds are helpful in emotionally getting over someone. Perhaps it is for some subtle, sexual reason, which I find disheartening because I'm very idealistic about love and its platonic/soul bond aspect. Well, whatever.
I've come to the realization that I'm a narcissist. I do get quite insecure sometimes, but more often then not, I am admiring many aspects of myself. When I look in the mirror, I see myself as quite attractive. I see myself as smarter than most people. I see myself as being able to charm. I see myself as sexually strong in bed. I see myself as emotionally genuine. Etc . I guess confidence is a good thing, but it makes me feel like an absolute dick. I can't really help it though, it's just the way I see myself.
So yes, I'm a narcissist.
The dream
I like recording dreams when I have them (which isn't very often), along with every mundane aspect of them. I don't see any strange significance in dreams, but perhaps I have some sort of superstition on some level. Anyhow, it's about a friend who passed away in the past. Seeing how he may appear again in this blog again at some point (or become a denizen of Praxis), I'll name him King. His hair is red, which reminded me of Crimson, which reminds me of Crimson King (the band).
The reality was alternate. Instead of passing away, King was merely in a coma, and had just come out of it. One of my friends was driving, while another, and King were passengers. King had shotgun. It was nighttime, I was standing outside the vehicle, and we were near pizza hut, about to set up a tent for some sort of musical tent. I reached through the passenger window, gave King and awkward hug, and said "thanks for sticking around". He was awkward about it too, so he just smiled at me. A bit later, I was setting up the tent, and King came over to me and started helping me out too. He then said "I'm happy I stuck around too", but it felt like he was trying to say something a lot profounder, and meant something different. I felt very confused about this.
I'm guessing that my knowledge of reality was getting jumbled up with my knowledge of the alternate reality, here. In reality, he had passed away, so him saying that he "stuck around" probably jived with reality, and resulted in that confusion, and latching on to him saying that, which resulted in the feeling of profoundedness. I don't know. Now that I type it, it seems like I jury-rigged some scraps of psychological logic together and a not too elegant way.
I'm progressing well with getting over Gem, as I'm in a new, "friendship", with a person I will call Thunder. The name suits her for simple reasons: her hair colour, she came flying out of nowhere and we immediately got into what we are now, how impulsive she is, and I guess how "charged" she is.
Now for the reflections/confessions
The fun with Thunder has made me really curious as to why casual rebounds are helpful in emotionally getting over someone. Perhaps it is for some subtle, sexual reason, which I find disheartening because I'm very idealistic about love and its platonic/soul bond aspect. Well, whatever.
I've come to the realization that I'm a narcissist. I do get quite insecure sometimes, but more often then not, I am admiring many aspects of myself. When I look in the mirror, I see myself as quite attractive. I see myself as smarter than most people. I see myself as being able to charm. I see myself as sexually strong in bed. I see myself as emotionally genuine. Etc . I guess confidence is a good thing, but it makes me feel like an absolute dick. I can't really help it though, it's just the way I see myself.
So yes, I'm a narcissist.
The dream
I like recording dreams when I have them (which isn't very often), along with every mundane aspect of them. I don't see any strange significance in dreams, but perhaps I have some sort of superstition on some level. Anyhow, it's about a friend who passed away in the past. Seeing how he may appear again in this blog again at some point (or become a denizen of Praxis), I'll name him King. His hair is red, which reminded me of Crimson, which reminds me of Crimson King (the band).
The reality was alternate. Instead of passing away, King was merely in a coma, and had just come out of it. One of my friends was driving, while another, and King were passengers. King had shotgun. It was nighttime, I was standing outside the vehicle, and we were near pizza hut, about to set up a tent for some sort of musical tent. I reached through the passenger window, gave King and awkward hug, and said "thanks for sticking around". He was awkward about it too, so he just smiled at me. A bit later, I was setting up the tent, and King came over to me and started helping me out too. He then said "I'm happy I stuck around too", but it felt like he was trying to say something a lot profounder, and meant something different. I felt very confused about this.
I'm guessing that my knowledge of reality was getting jumbled up with my knowledge of the alternate reality, here. In reality, he had passed away, so him saying that he "stuck around" probably jived with reality, and resulted in that confusion, and latching on to him saying that, which resulted in the feeling of profoundedness. I don't know. Now that I type it, it seems like I jury-rigged some scraps of psychological logic together and a not too elegant way.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
A Mania In His Mind
The doors open
and there's a thunder in his eyes
and a splendor in his heart
and a mania in his mind
The world stands in awe...
Don't really remember what inspired this one. I found it on the back of my assignment for a class in ordinary differential equations. I think it might've been partially inspired by my one friend who was diagnosed with bipolar. He had to take a semester off, and he came to me to talk to about his problems and ask advice about taking that semester off.
Developed quite a fascination with bipolar after talking to him. Feels somewhat similar to my fascination for autism. I'm fascinated with how the mind is capable of having superhuman abilities, although often at the price of some disbalance.
My bipolar friend told me that he would often get really sad, sometimes thinking about suicide, and then at other times he would reach some sort of maniacal level where he'd be extremely inspired to do mental and physical tasks. For example, he ran this ridiculous distance extremely fast. Can't recall the exact dimensions, but I remember being amazed.
He took a semester off to start taking meds, and keep a rigorous schedule (lots of physical activity, a strict diet, studying ahead) with the aid of his psychologist to help keep him stuck to some routine while adjusting to his meds. He's now doing great, has stabilized, and is getting better marks than me. I'm extremely happy about this, but I'm still worried. His dad also had some sort of mental illness, and is now in some sort of mental hospital. Hopefully he can maintain the stability he's achieved and not drop off.
I just had a chat with another friend (not bipolar). She told me about someone she knows who got meningitis, and afterwards, became a violent individual involved in gangs and robberies and whatnot. This led to talking about how the "distance" between various behaviours is very small. I guess "distance" here is defined as amount of prodding in the brain.
This discussion, along with the writing of this post also got me thinking about times in the past that I've been sad. It's very periodic, and oftentimes the jump from being depressed to being motivated was shocking, and seemed somewhat fucked up. Sometimes I'd be so down, and then I'd just rise up immediately, become very motivated, and happy and work away really hard or be optimistic about the future. I would then proceed to fall back down again.
This led me to think a number of things. Firstly, I noticed that that periodic happy-sad behaviour with shocking switches seems analogous to extremely mild bipolar. Then, remembering my discussion with my friend, it made me think that perhaps we all touch on bipolar to some degree when we get affected by depression.
I then remembered my mentor (someone to write about another time as I really enjoy her personality) telling me that social science for the most part is bogus (too many complex factors, I think was her reason), which I'm inclined to agree after having seen a good amount of pseudo-scientific psychology papers, (not to mention appealing to the authority of my mentor [I realize this is one of them catalogued logical fallacies, but it still does add a degree of confidence {I also realize that I love messily organized sentence structures with nested brackets because it makes me think of programming and logical hierarchies}]).
Remembering this discouraged my further thought into the bog that is psychology (this interests me because it reminds me of a conversation with non-bipolar friend about philosophy being a bog [seems like an awfully tangled, interconnected web {which reminds me of non-bipolar friend once talking about how her mind often consists of a web of interconnected questions accompanied with a healthy dose of overanalyzation <which reminds me AGAIN of the bog that is psychology || ad infinitum...WE'VE ACHIEVED A STRANGE LOOP || > } ] ).
So yes, the results of this meandering, sometimes finitely regressing, sometimes infinitely regressing discussion is that:
1. Me thinking about complex topics goes in circles.
2. Strange loops are awesome and everyone should definitely know about them and how they run rampant in the world (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_loop). It's incredibly sexy when they appear in mathematics via Godel's Incompleteness theorem. The proof somewhat involves transporting the phrase "this sentences is false" into its analogical counterpart in number theory. This strangely looping statement relates to the liar's paradox which I also strongly recommend checking out. I don't think anything fascinates me and obsesses me more than this stuff.
By the way, speaking of tangled logical hierarchies, and strange loops, I totally realized this stuff makes you feel a bit maniacal when you mentally tumble with it for awhile
which relates back to the title....
which relates back to the poem....
which relates back to the bipolar story...
which relates back to each following sequential piece of the conversation....
which eventually relates back to THIS (woo! self reference!)
which AGAIN relates back to that word (or even THIS)
ad infinitum...
Do you see what I just did there? I just introduced a plethora of strange loops. Even more fascinating is that the strange loop I first introduced earlier involving nested brackets is somehow branching off from the strange loop that we just saw.
The mind map is a truly beautiful thing, giving blossom to infinities and infinities of infinities when you go looking, or, if you prefer a less flowery, more gory description (since the brain really is a hunk of meat), an apoplexy of infinities.
and there's a thunder in his eyes
and a splendor in his heart
and a mania in his mind
The world stands in awe...
Don't really remember what inspired this one. I found it on the back of my assignment for a class in ordinary differential equations. I think it might've been partially inspired by my one friend who was diagnosed with bipolar. He had to take a semester off, and he came to me to talk to about his problems and ask advice about taking that semester off.
Developed quite a fascination with bipolar after talking to him. Feels somewhat similar to my fascination for autism. I'm fascinated with how the mind is capable of having superhuman abilities, although often at the price of some disbalance.
My bipolar friend told me that he would often get really sad, sometimes thinking about suicide, and then at other times he would reach some sort of maniacal level where he'd be extremely inspired to do mental and physical tasks. For example, he ran this ridiculous distance extremely fast. Can't recall the exact dimensions, but I remember being amazed.
He took a semester off to start taking meds, and keep a rigorous schedule (lots of physical activity, a strict diet, studying ahead) with the aid of his psychologist to help keep him stuck to some routine while adjusting to his meds. He's now doing great, has stabilized, and is getting better marks than me. I'm extremely happy about this, but I'm still worried. His dad also had some sort of mental illness, and is now in some sort of mental hospital. Hopefully he can maintain the stability he's achieved and not drop off.
I just had a chat with another friend (not bipolar). She told me about someone she knows who got meningitis, and afterwards, became a violent individual involved in gangs and robberies and whatnot. This led to talking about how the "distance" between various behaviours is very small. I guess "distance" here is defined as amount of prodding in the brain.
This discussion, along with the writing of this post also got me thinking about times in the past that I've been sad. It's very periodic, and oftentimes the jump from being depressed to being motivated was shocking, and seemed somewhat fucked up. Sometimes I'd be so down, and then I'd just rise up immediately, become very motivated, and happy and work away really hard or be optimistic about the future. I would then proceed to fall back down again.
This led me to think a number of things. Firstly, I noticed that that periodic happy-sad behaviour with shocking switches seems analogous to extremely mild bipolar. Then, remembering my discussion with my friend, it made me think that perhaps we all touch on bipolar to some degree when we get affected by depression.
I then remembered my mentor (someone to write about another time as I really enjoy her personality) telling me that social science for the most part is bogus (too many complex factors, I think was her reason), which I'm inclined to agree after having seen a good amount of pseudo-scientific psychology papers, (not to mention appealing to the authority of my mentor [I realize this is one of them catalogued logical fallacies, but it still does add a degree of confidence {I also realize that I love messily organized sentence structures with nested brackets because it makes me think of programming and logical hierarchies}]).
Remembering this discouraged my further thought into the bog that is psychology (this interests me because it reminds me of a conversation with non-bipolar friend about philosophy being a bog [seems like an awfully tangled, interconnected web {which reminds me of non-bipolar friend once talking about how her mind often consists of a web of interconnected questions accompanied with a healthy dose of overanalyzation <which reminds me AGAIN of the bog that is psychology || ad infinitum...WE'VE ACHIEVED A STRANGE LOOP || > } ] ).
So yes, the results of this meandering, sometimes finitely regressing, sometimes infinitely regressing discussion is that:
1. Me thinking about complex topics goes in circles.
2. Strange loops are awesome and everyone should definitely know about them and how they run rampant in the world (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_loop). It's incredibly sexy when they appear in mathematics via Godel's Incompleteness theorem. The proof somewhat involves transporting the phrase "this sentences is false" into its analogical counterpart in number theory. This strangely looping statement relates to the liar's paradox which I also strongly recommend checking out. I don't think anything fascinates me and obsesses me more than this stuff.
By the way, speaking of tangled logical hierarchies, and strange loops, I totally realized this stuff makes you feel a bit maniacal when you mentally tumble with it for awhile
which relates back to the title....
which relates back to the poem....
which relates back to the bipolar story...
which relates back to each following sequential piece of the conversation....
which eventually relates back to THIS (woo! self reference!)
which AGAIN relates back to that word (or even THIS)
ad infinitum...
Do you see what I just did there? I just introduced a plethora of strange loops. Even more fascinating is that the strange loop I first introduced earlier involving nested brackets is somehow branching off from the strange loop that we just saw.
The mind map is a truly beautiful thing, giving blossom to infinities and infinities of infinities when you go looking, or, if you prefer a less flowery, more gory description (since the brain really is a hunk of meat), an apoplexy of infinities.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Whenever I Die
I noticed that very often, tribute pictures are made to individuals who have passed away. Often there's a cross off to one side or something, and the old person's face watermarked on the other, captioned with some fluffy phrase in soft italics. I don't mind that people do that, but I find it very tacky, and don't want my old wrinkled face to be the subject of that silliness.
Hmm, I figure I might donate my body to science. Cheaper than buying a coffin, good for the world. I got the idea from my dad as I remember him in the past stating he'd like to do that. It's a good idea. Of course, I guess it's possible that some loved ones, or perhaps a future wife or something, wouldn't want me to do that, so I'll see how that goes.
Death will be an interesting experience. I'd much prefer to get to choose when to die, however, as opposed to dying of old age, so that I can experience everything I want to. Maybe in the future, we'll be able to cheaply replace organs, or upgrade ourselves with cyborg mechanisms (> 20/20 vision robot eyes, anyone?). I find I'm more afraid of being an old, incapable, halfwit old person, than death itself.
Hmm, I figure I might donate my body to science. Cheaper than buying a coffin, good for the world. I got the idea from my dad as I remember him in the past stating he'd like to do that. It's a good idea. Of course, I guess it's possible that some loved ones, or perhaps a future wife or something, wouldn't want me to do that, so I'll see how that goes.
Death will be an interesting experience. I'd much prefer to get to choose when to die, however, as opposed to dying of old age, so that I can experience everything I want to. Maybe in the future, we'll be able to cheaply replace organs, or upgrade ourselves with cyborg mechanisms (> 20/20 vision robot eyes, anyone?). I find I'm more afraid of being an old, incapable, halfwit old person, than death itself.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Just A Funny Memory
I just remembered something.
They have those popsicles called "itsakadoozie" or something like that. I remember really liking them, and one time being at a concert and asking for one. Never before had I actually had to ask for one. It felt really ridiculous and embarrassing saying "Hi, could I have an itsakadoozie?" Should I just have called it a kadoozie?
They have those popsicles called "itsakadoozie" or something like that. I remember really liking them, and one time being at a concert and asking for one. Never before had I actually had to ask for one. It felt really ridiculous and embarrassing saying "Hi, could I have an itsakadoozie?" Should I just have called it a kadoozie?
Friday, August 5, 2011
A Gemorial
Following are a series of poems that I wrote to vent emotions I had while I was falling for Gem. Each one has a story behind it. I suppose this post is a creepy memorial of sorts, to the feelings I had (well...as of this writing, still have) for her.
-----
Just one more
One more kiss
It's what I'm dying for
The memory of your lips
Bestowed upon me with that one gentle kiss
A gentle brush
In a single instant exploded warm soft bliss
And now all I have is a memory
Potent and strong
Etched clearly across the cloudy convoluted blur of that night
But it's not enough
For the memory is soft
But the want grinds rough
Full of potential are you and I
Proof enough when your lips touched
mine...
------
I wrote this just after the first time we had hung out. I had kissed her at 4:30 in the morning while Slowdive was playing in the background (I can't listen to this band anymore due to the personal emotional impact it delivers). I had been building up my courage all night to kiss her, and I finally did it. It was one of the sweetest, most romantic (at least to me) kisses I had ever had. She later kissed me the next day when I dropped her off. She filled me with just those two kisses such an immense longing, as I have never known. It all climaxed at that point. All my rational, cautious, intelligible observations (discipline, smarts, humour, fun, has her shit straight, kind, etc) regarding her as well as the strong emotions I felt for her crashed together and intertwined so beautifully and rose so high. No one has ever been as amazing as her, in my life.
------
In this humble abode I bide
I sacrifice my energy and time
Idling in this room of antiquities
All so I can merely see her again
So that when I look upon her with my eyes
Maybe she'll look back into mine...
My heart tumbles and twists and contorts
Then the next moment it goldenly soars
For within me rages the immortal battle
In which my hopes and fears clash and unravel
Across the convoluted pathways of my mind
------
I actually wrote this at my friend's house (see previous post), while lying on a couch early in the morning. Her house was a farmhouse, which qualifies as a "humble abode", and the room I was in was full of antiques. I had slept there overnight, merely so I could have another chance to see Gem again, before she took off. I was feeling rather anxious, as I wasn't sure if she was still interested in me (although, she was according to a little bird who had it straight from her). These anxieties clashed in quite the contrasted battle with the happiness from my strong feelings for her. This is expressed in the latter parts of the poem.
------
Whenever I'm with her
All I want to do is kiss her
Take her in my arms and call her mine
And whisper sweet nothings while falling into the earthen emerald depths of her eyes
------
A simpler, but still sweet poem. The description of her eyes as "earthen emeralds", as mentioned in a previous post, is the the basis for her alias "Gem", that I use on this blog. This I also believe I wrote in the room of antiquities.
------
Everytime you look at me
A euphoric zephyr warms my heart
And every time you look away
My heart returns to the icy dark
Because without you life feels stale
...And boring
...And obsolete
But life with you is mesmerizing
...And beautiful
...And complete
-------
I was on campus, walking between classes, and I spontaneously had a surge of emotions for her (perhaps I was texting her or something), so I whipped out my ipod, and wrote it down in a note. This poem simply shows how much of a difference it felt like she was making in my life. We had barely gotten anywhere, I had barely revealed my feelings to her (she knew I liked her, but definitely not this much), and I had already fallen this hard for her. I still can't really fathom it. I wasn't rebounding. I was extremely careful to not let myself get attached senselessly (via rationality and caution), but I came to feeling this strongly. It's fucked up, to put it bluntly.
-----
Just one more
One more kiss
It's what I'm dying for
The memory of your lips
Bestowed upon me with that one gentle kiss
A gentle brush
In a single instant exploded warm soft bliss
And now all I have is a memory
Potent and strong
Etched clearly across the cloudy convoluted blur of that night
But it's not enough
For the memory is soft
But the want grinds rough
Full of potential are you and I
Proof enough when your lips touched
mine...
------
I wrote this just after the first time we had hung out. I had kissed her at 4:30 in the morning while Slowdive was playing in the background (I can't listen to this band anymore due to the personal emotional impact it delivers). I had been building up my courage all night to kiss her, and I finally did it. It was one of the sweetest, most romantic (at least to me) kisses I had ever had. She later kissed me the next day when I dropped her off. She filled me with just those two kisses such an immense longing, as I have never known. It all climaxed at that point. All my rational, cautious, intelligible observations (discipline, smarts, humour, fun, has her shit straight, kind, etc) regarding her as well as the strong emotions I felt for her crashed together and intertwined so beautifully and rose so high. No one has ever been as amazing as her, in my life.
------
In this humble abode I bide
I sacrifice my energy and time
Idling in this room of antiquities
All so I can merely see her again
So that when I look upon her with my eyes
Maybe she'll look back into mine...
My heart tumbles and twists and contorts
Then the next moment it goldenly soars
For within me rages the immortal battle
In which my hopes and fears clash and unravel
Across the convoluted pathways of my mind
------
I actually wrote this at my friend's house (see previous post), while lying on a couch early in the morning. Her house was a farmhouse, which qualifies as a "humble abode", and the room I was in was full of antiques. I had slept there overnight, merely so I could have another chance to see Gem again, before she took off. I was feeling rather anxious, as I wasn't sure if she was still interested in me (although, she was according to a little bird who had it straight from her). These anxieties clashed in quite the contrasted battle with the happiness from my strong feelings for her. This is expressed in the latter parts of the poem.
------
Whenever I'm with her
All I want to do is kiss her
Take her in my arms and call her mine
And whisper sweet nothings while falling into the earthen emerald depths of her eyes
------
A simpler, but still sweet poem. The description of her eyes as "earthen emeralds", as mentioned in a previous post, is the the basis for her alias "Gem", that I use on this blog. This I also believe I wrote in the room of antiquities.
------
Everytime you look at me
A euphoric zephyr warms my heart
And every time you look away
My heart returns to the icy dark
Because without you life feels stale
...And boring
...And obsolete
But life with you is mesmerizing
...And beautiful
...And complete
-------
I was on campus, walking between classes, and I spontaneously had a surge of emotions for her (perhaps I was texting her or something), so I whipped out my ipod, and wrote it down in a note. This poem simply shows how much of a difference it felt like she was making in my life. We had barely gotten anywhere, I had barely revealed my feelings to her (she knew I liked her, but definitely not this much), and I had already fallen this hard for her. I still can't really fathom it. I wasn't rebounding. I was extremely careful to not let myself get attached senselessly (via rationality and caution), but I came to feeling this strongly. It's fucked up, to put it bluntly.
Don't Mind Me...
...I'm just passing through, cataloging another chapter of my life...
Some stuff has happened since my last entry. It turns out that the girl I fell for hard, I fell for EXTREMELY hard. Genuine feelings, I'm led to believe, as I've never felt this strongly about anyone else (even my 2 year relation). To make matters worse, she told me she "didn't want to be in a relationship", (which could mean a multitude of things but that's not worth writing about) and so it was a "breakup" of sorts. I was tossed out of the void of relationship-to-be-but-pretty-much-a-relationship-but-not.
Anyhow, I don't want to talk about every little detail of what's happened here, as cataloging it will probably just make me mopy.
I've ranted time and time again about these details, and my getting over of "Gem", to my really amazing friend. I got to know her very well actually because of this ending with "Gem". She's actually a really awesome, unique, cool, helpful, kind, and inspiring individual and I'm glad to know her, and I'm so thankful for all the help she's given me in getting over Gem. I've told her time and again how much I owe her, but I don't think I can ever thank her enough. I'll just try my best to be a super good friend (which is an enjoyable thing in and of itself!).
Hmm, other random things in my life.
I'm paranoid of deodorant, yet I continue to use it. Recently, I've started taking multivitamins, and it has made me realize that, despite my super-uber-extraordinary-logic-based life, I'm a very irrational, superstitious, human person.
I got glasses! Seriously, it's ridiculous that I've been driving without them. I never realized how much I was endangering my friends!
I was about to list a bunch of other stuff, but just realized it's probably only interesting to me, and isn't really worthy of a chapter of my life section.
This is probably the crappiest blog entry on here, yet, but I feel I needed to update the current state of emotional affairs (depressed due to the loss of a particularly beautiful gem, but slowly working my way out of it), and where I'm at in life, so that if I look back on this, I'll realize how much happier (hopefully) I am at this time.
The statement in the previous bracket actually merits a bit of a discussion (perhaps I shouldn't have bracketed it, as it's not really that "unimportant"). I've never ever in my life, met a girl as impressive and perfect as the one I just met (Gem). How do I approach the future? Should I only go after those who I fall for as hard, if not harder? Or should I also remain open to those who I don't fall for as hard, but still develop some sort of crush on?
Some stuff has happened since my last entry. It turns out that the girl I fell for hard, I fell for EXTREMELY hard. Genuine feelings, I'm led to believe, as I've never felt this strongly about anyone else (even my 2 year relation). To make matters worse, she told me she "didn't want to be in a relationship", (which could mean a multitude of things but that's not worth writing about) and so it was a "breakup" of sorts. I was tossed out of the void of relationship-to-be-but-pretty-much-a-relationship-but-not.
Anyhow, I don't want to talk about every little detail of what's happened here, as cataloging it will probably just make me mopy.
I've ranted time and time again about these details, and my getting over of "Gem", to my really amazing friend. I got to know her very well actually because of this ending with "Gem". She's actually a really awesome, unique, cool, helpful, kind, and inspiring individual and I'm glad to know her, and I'm so thankful for all the help she's given me in getting over Gem. I've told her time and again how much I owe her, but I don't think I can ever thank her enough. I'll just try my best to be a super good friend (which is an enjoyable thing in and of itself!).
Hmm, other random things in my life.
I'm paranoid of deodorant, yet I continue to use it. Recently, I've started taking multivitamins, and it has made me realize that, despite my super-uber-extraordinary-logic-based life, I'm a very irrational, superstitious, human person.
I got glasses! Seriously, it's ridiculous that I've been driving without them. I never realized how much I was endangering my friends!
I was about to list a bunch of other stuff, but just realized it's probably only interesting to me, and isn't really worthy of a chapter of my life section.
This is probably the crappiest blog entry on here, yet, but I feel I needed to update the current state of emotional affairs (depressed due to the loss of a particularly beautiful gem, but slowly working my way out of it), and where I'm at in life, so that if I look back on this, I'll realize how much happier (hopefully) I am at this time.
The statement in the previous bracket actually merits a bit of a discussion (perhaps I shouldn't have bracketed it, as it's not really that "unimportant"). I've never ever in my life, met a girl as impressive and perfect as the one I just met (Gem). How do I approach the future? Should I only go after those who I fall for as hard, if not harder? Or should I also remain open to those who I don't fall for as hard, but still develop some sort of crush on?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
More Spontaneous Poetry
All this shit slowly slicks
and across the sky I see
A demon of utmost divinity
Across the lakes and seas of stones
I hear a battalion crawl
violently
purposefully
gloriously
pathetically
and across the sky I see
An angel of utmost putridity
Fight the fire and feel the rush
A thousand emeralds tinkle and clink
in a crystal cascade
an avalance across the fractally woven filaments of fate
I wrote this during Violent Dreams by Crystal Castles.
And in her eyes I see
Truth
Lies
Immorality
Beauty
Tranquility
There is no escape
from the ones we love
and the impossible colossal labyrinth we call a mind
and the interweavings and dancings of the primordial grind
I wrote this piece during Not In Love by Crystal Castles.
Sweat runs down my sides
and across my back
but in my mind's eye
I hold...
gentle..
rains...
I think this piece also was written during Not In Love, but I can't recall...
Anyhow, all these are the usual. Spontaneous poetry. Elements of clashing terms here and there. I especially like the demon and angel statements in the first one.
and across the sky I see
A demon of utmost divinity
Across the lakes and seas of stones
I hear a battalion crawl
violently
purposefully
gloriously
pathetically
and across the sky I see
An angel of utmost putridity
Fight the fire and feel the rush
A thousand emeralds tinkle and clink
in a crystal cascade
an avalance across the fractally woven filaments of fate
I wrote this during Violent Dreams by Crystal Castles.
And in her eyes I see
Truth
Lies
Immorality
Beauty
Tranquility
There is no escape
from the ones we love
and the impossible colossal labyrinth we call a mind
and the interweavings and dancings of the primordial grind
I wrote this piece during Not In Love by Crystal Castles.
Sweat runs down my sides
and across my back
but in my mind's eye
I hold...
gentle..
rains...
I think this piece also was written during Not In Love, but I can't recall...
Anyhow, all these are the usual. Spontaneous poetry. Elements of clashing terms here and there. I especially like the demon and angel statements in the first one.
Dreams of Grandeur and Whispers of Bliss
So a lot has happened since my last touch with home base.
The girl I was crushing on a few months ago, I'm no longer crushing on. I lost interest in her, and realized she was actually sort of boring (at least at first glance). It was probably myself just trying to latch onto someone after losing my previous girlfriend.
But anyhow, I've found a new girl; one I did not even expect.
I'll refer to this girl as Gem from here on in. It hides her identity, it is short and easy to type. Mainly, it compactifies the beauty of her eyes. Her eyes are brown, which I normally see as somewhat boring, but they are different. When they catch the light they hit the same vibrant green that blue/green eyes do. I love her eyes.
I say she's unexpected because I've known her (more like "of her") for years. I've always seen her as ridiculously beautiful, but never really saw much in her from afar. I always assumed she was unintelligible, and maybe boring.
How wrong was I? Beautifully wrong. I've never been happier to be this wrong.
She wants to go into aerodynamics, and she's getting the same grades I did.
She's disciplined.
She's playful.
She's animated.
She's infectious.
She's ridiculously gorgeous.
I feel so damn shy around her that now I feel depressed that I didn't do more to progress our relationship last time we hung out. Talking here helps alleviate this somewhat though.
Depression ---transhappify ---> love-doped
In the back of my mind resides the cold, numbing fact that it'll probably not last once it does take off. There are plenty who are better than me, who she'll be exposed to once she enters university. And she'll be busy with her studies, away from me. It'd be more long-distance than my last serious relationship.
But I know this is the cost of love, and I can't resist her anyhow. I'll sponge up as much time as I can with her, while I can, and enjoy every moment until it falls apart.
"I need you so much closer........" - Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie
The girl I was crushing on a few months ago, I'm no longer crushing on. I lost interest in her, and realized she was actually sort of boring (at least at first glance). It was probably myself just trying to latch onto someone after losing my previous girlfriend.
But anyhow, I've found a new girl; one I did not even expect.
I'll refer to this girl as Gem from here on in. It hides her identity, it is short and easy to type. Mainly, it compactifies the beauty of her eyes. Her eyes are brown, which I normally see as somewhat boring, but they are different. When they catch the light they hit the same vibrant green that blue/green eyes do. I love her eyes.
I say she's unexpected because I've known her (more like "of her") for years. I've always seen her as ridiculously beautiful, but never really saw much in her from afar. I always assumed she was unintelligible, and maybe boring.
How wrong was I? Beautifully wrong. I've never been happier to be this wrong.
She wants to go into aerodynamics, and she's getting the same grades I did.
She's disciplined.
She's playful.
She's animated.
She's infectious.
She's ridiculously gorgeous.
I feel so damn shy around her that now I feel depressed that I didn't do more to progress our relationship last time we hung out. Talking here helps alleviate this somewhat though.
Depression ---transhappify ---> love-doped
In the back of my mind resides the cold, numbing fact that it'll probably not last once it does take off. There are plenty who are better than me, who she'll be exposed to once she enters university. And she'll be busy with her studies, away from me. It'd be more long-distance than my last serious relationship.
But I know this is the cost of love, and I can't resist her anyhow. I'll sponge up as much time as I can with her, while I can, and enjoy every moment until it falls apart.
"I need you so much closer........" - Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Dreams of Delusion
Fuck.
I had a childishly romantic dream about the person I'm crushing on just last night.
I dreamt that for some reason, she couldn't get her earbud in and threw it down in frustration. So I got up, walked up to her, gently touched the bottom-right of her jawline with two fingers so softly. I then carefully slipped the right earbud into her ear. We then looked into each others eyes, then I took her in my arms and kissed her for I don't even know how long, but a very long time. She then told me she knew how to put an earbud in, it was just a trick.
Later in the dream, it was the next day and one of my housemates was speaking of reeling her in. I said I already got her and they were all like "What?!". Adam then said that he would still try to get her in a dickish voice. Jake said "I knew you were doing something!" or something like that, because he seemed to suspect.
I can't remember anything else, but as I was starting to wake up, I really thought that I had got her and I was so extremely happy. Then I thought to myself "...it was just a dream...".
It all came crashing down.
My blissful delusion had crumbled i n t o s a n d .
Fuck.
I had a childishly romantic dream about the person I'm crushing on just last night.
I dreamt that for some reason, she couldn't get her earbud in and threw it down in frustration. So I got up, walked up to her, gently touched the bottom-right of her jawline with two fingers so softly. I then carefully slipped the right earbud into her ear. We then looked into each others eyes, then I took her in my arms and kissed her for I don't even know how long, but a very long time. She then told me she knew how to put an earbud in, it was just a trick.
Later in the dream, it was the next day and one of my housemates was speaking of reeling her in. I said I already got her and they were all like "What?!". Adam then said that he would still try to get her in a dickish voice. Jake said "I knew you were doing something!" or something like that, because he seemed to suspect.
I can't remember anything else, but as I was starting to wake up, I really thought that I had got her and I was so extremely happy. Then I thought to myself "...it was just a dream...".
It all came crashing down.
My blissful delusion had crumbled i n t o s a n d .
Fuck.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Today Is A Good Day...And Tomorrow Will Be Better
The title to this is something written on the blackboard at my work by an officemate. My admirably cynical supervisor saw it and thought it was "too happy". I got a chuckle out of that.
Speaking of my supervisor, she gave me the movie "American Beauty". God, was I ever impressed by it. I mostly enjoyed the theme of beauty woven throughout the cynical, sad story. It really relates to how I feel about the mundane random things in the world. If I focus on anything for long enough, I can see its beauty, and I am thankful that I am a part of it all.
In other news, I'm almost done my journey through the book GEB (mentioned in an earlier post). God, it's amazing. It almost makes me want to go into AI research. Maybe it's plausible considering the author did physics, and then came to AI later in his life.
But then again, I'm not that smart. : \
Maybe me saying I'm not smart is actually making me less smart. In high school, I always knew I was one of the smartest, and I got really good grades. It's pretty obvious that if you have low expectations of yourself, then you won't be motivated.
The trade-off is that you become arrogant with self-confidence. It all comes down to working for myself vs. being nice to others (or more cynically, my self image as niceties are evolutionarily a selfish thing).
Anyhow, enough of this finite digress (I love infinite regress after reading GEB). On to the main topic that has to do with the title. I feel great!
Like really. I'm spending more time on myself, I'm making progress at work, I'm gonna rock this summer term, I'm spending lots of time with friends, and I've been crushing over this aforementioned chick a whole bunch. I'm just simply happy right now.
"Gd sht", as my one hipster physics friend would say.
Speaking of my supervisor, she gave me the movie "American Beauty". God, was I ever impressed by it. I mostly enjoyed the theme of beauty woven throughout the cynical, sad story. It really relates to how I feel about the mundane random things in the world. If I focus on anything for long enough, I can see its beauty, and I am thankful that I am a part of it all.
In other news, I'm almost done my journey through the book GEB (mentioned in an earlier post). God, it's amazing. It almost makes me want to go into AI research. Maybe it's plausible considering the author did physics, and then came to AI later in his life.
But then again, I'm not that smart. : \
Maybe me saying I'm not smart is actually making me less smart. In high school, I always knew I was one of the smartest, and I got really good grades. It's pretty obvious that if you have low expectations of yourself, then you won't be motivated.
The trade-off is that you become arrogant with self-confidence. It all comes down to working for myself vs. being nice to others (or more cynically, my self image as niceties are evolutionarily a selfish thing).
Anyhow, enough of this finite digress (I love infinite regress after reading GEB). On to the main topic that has to do with the title. I feel great!
Like really. I'm spending more time on myself, I'm making progress at work, I'm gonna rock this summer term, I'm spending lots of time with friends, and I've been crushing over this aforementioned chick a whole bunch. I'm just simply happy right now.
"Gd sht", as my one hipster physics friend would say.
Another Consciental Stream
Master of delusion
Sycophant of The Tree
The subconscious jest in you has made a puppet of me
Another stream of consciousness I had awhile back. Looking at it after the fact, maybe the puppet bit was somehow referring to how my ex had my emotions on strings. But merely subconsciously? I don't know, doesn't really make sense. The words just flow out and piece together.
Sycophant of The Tree
The subconscious jest in you has made a puppet of me
Another stream of consciousness I had awhile back. Looking at it after the fact, maybe the puppet bit was somehow referring to how my ex had my emotions on strings. But merely subconsciously? I don't know, doesn't really make sense. The words just flow out and piece together.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Is it Love? Who gives a Fuck
So my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Not too well, either. She immediately entered a serious relationship with someone else.
Oh well. It just makes it easy to get over, 'cause it's rude, and it's a definite guarantee that she wasn't as into me as I thought. It was also a bit betraying. So we had no future. She's a bitch. Well, that's just my anger speaking. I know when I'm less pissed I'll forgive her in my heart. Everyone is flawed, and I'm not one to hold high standards considering I myself have many flaws.
On a lighter note, just like how nature comes back full-force every spring, I have feelings for someone new..
But it's the immature, stupid sort of feelings. Falling in love at first sight, so to speak. Guys really do fall to the siren call of a woman's physical beauty. There's two types of beauty: sexy, and beautiful. The beauty of this woman who I'm getting the opportunity to befriend is overpowering. I can barely talk to her, and I'm sure she has no interest in me because I just come across as some boring guy who doesn't speak much. I HAVE to try to to change this.
I did the typical 2000's sort of thing and lurked her facebook. She's actually intelligent, and she's not just into math, but also into art! So balanced. And one of the few bands she likes is a band that I like and like only TWO of my friends like. Really no one likes them. I'm gonna try to play this card.
I really hope we can come to some sort of chemistry.
Another problem is the gentleman in me: I think my housemate is down with her. And he's never had a girlfriend. Something moralistic in me makes me feel I should step aside, but I don't know. I don't know.
Love is selfish.
I also need to tread carefully. This just might be my conscious being lonely since I just came out of a 2 year relationship. Would it be rebounding, if consciously I am over my ex, but my body is still desiring something to fill that lonely hole?
Maybe I should just throw rationality and morals out the window.
Love is selfish.
Oh well. It just makes it easy to get over, 'cause it's rude, and it's a definite guarantee that she wasn't as into me as I thought. It was also a bit betraying. So we had no future. She's a bitch. Well, that's just my anger speaking. I know when I'm less pissed I'll forgive her in my heart. Everyone is flawed, and I'm not one to hold high standards considering I myself have many flaws.
On a lighter note, just like how nature comes back full-force every spring, I have feelings for someone new..
But it's the immature, stupid sort of feelings. Falling in love at first sight, so to speak. Guys really do fall to the siren call of a woman's physical beauty. There's two types of beauty: sexy, and beautiful. The beauty of this woman who I'm getting the opportunity to befriend is overpowering. I can barely talk to her, and I'm sure she has no interest in me because I just come across as some boring guy who doesn't speak much. I HAVE to try to to change this.
I did the typical 2000's sort of thing and lurked her facebook. She's actually intelligent, and she's not just into math, but also into art! So balanced. And one of the few bands she likes is a band that I like and like only TWO of my friends like. Really no one likes them. I'm gonna try to play this card.
I really hope we can come to some sort of chemistry.
Another problem is the gentleman in me: I think my housemate is down with her. And he's never had a girlfriend. Something moralistic in me makes me feel I should step aside, but I don't know. I don't know.
Love is selfish.
I also need to tread carefully. This just might be my conscious being lonely since I just came out of a 2 year relationship. Would it be rebounding, if consciously I am over my ex, but my body is still desiring something to fill that lonely hole?
Maybe I should just throw rationality and morals out the window.
Love is selfish.
Monday, January 31, 2011
The Comfort of The Keyboard
The feeling of my fingers on a keyboard is so intricate and precise. Being able to familiarly traverse my fingers with that light plastic clicking is relaxing.
The Voice
Just the sound of his voice quakes the land! But his very words...? Unfathomable!
The roots of this are in the idea of "the shout" from the to-be-released video game called Skyrim. I made it into a bit more, where the truth of his words are simply not conceivable to the typical denizen of Praxis.
The roots of this are in the idea of "the shout" from the to-be-released video game called Skyrim. I made it into a bit more, where the truth of his words are simply not conceivable to the typical denizen of Praxis.
The Winthrow Man
With his delicate touch, the Winthrow man makes nature cry out in joy.
Not sure who this guy is really. Perhaps another denizen I'll place in Praxis. Not sure where Winthrow came from either, but it sounds delightfully British.
Not sure who this guy is really. Perhaps another denizen I'll place in Praxis. Not sure where Winthrow came from either, but it sounds delightfully British.
I'll Love you Forever
In his prison of a home the bitter man lives.
His life is a shell; a husk of what it once was.
Every hour of every day this man cries out in a sorrow passionate enough to break a candlegod's heart.
Yet he refuses to wither for this man is the Moses of love.
Once his life shone as brightly as a thousand suns. And today's sorrows were yesterday's passions.
Today's whimpers were yesterday's roars. Today's tears was yesterday's sweat.
In the land called Praxis, these archetypes walk the lands, and battle with the awesome power of titans.
This piece of writing is multi-faceted. I've been trapped in a labyrinth of the monster "Unknown". My lover I did not know if she had perhaps fallen out of love with me. So I poured my sorrows and fears of what I might become into this archetype in Praxis.
Turns out she did fall out of love with me and just broke up with me, but I'll save writings regarding that for another time, as this piece of writing was made before I discovered this.
Love is a strange thing. It takes faith to maintain the strongest love that will last a life-time. But if it's one-sided, then it becomes labelled as an "obsession". This results in clinginess for those who are not disciplined enough, like me. I guess it means I'm selfish as well. But again, these thoughts are writing for another time.
His life is a shell; a husk of what it once was.
Every hour of every day this man cries out in a sorrow passionate enough to break a candlegod's heart.
Yet he refuses to wither for this man is the Moses of love.
Once his life shone as brightly as a thousand suns. And today's sorrows were yesterday's passions.
Today's whimpers were yesterday's roars. Today's tears was yesterday's sweat.
In the land called Praxis, these archetypes walk the lands, and battle with the awesome power of titans.
This piece of writing is multi-faceted. I've been trapped in a labyrinth of the monster "Unknown". My lover I did not know if she had perhaps fallen out of love with me. So I poured my sorrows and fears of what I might become into this archetype in Praxis.
Turns out she did fall out of love with me and just broke up with me, but I'll save writings regarding that for another time, as this piece of writing was made before I discovered this.
Love is a strange thing. It takes faith to maintain the strongest love that will last a life-time. But if it's one-sided, then it becomes labelled as an "obsession". This results in clinginess for those who are not disciplined enough, like me. I guess it means I'm selfish as well. But again, these thoughts are writing for another time.
A Single Phrase
Gently nestled in the bosom of oblivion
Some song mentioned oblivion and this phrase popped into my head. I like it. It reminds me of the comfort in separating yourself from your ego. Kind of like Einstein's perspective on being on a boat in a storm with regard to how colossal the universe is.
Some song mentioned oblivion and this phrase popped into my head. I like it. It reminds me of the comfort in separating yourself from your ego. Kind of like Einstein's perspective on being on a boat in a storm with regard to how colossal the universe is.
The Nature of the Universe
Further we progress,
one enlightenment follows another
yet somehow...it seems all the same
The rules of reality itself
fold into a fractal
Here I'm talking about the repeating themes we come across in exploring the Law's of Nature. The hierarchies. The shifts in paradigms, etc. I'm too lazy to really explain in normal words, but maybe you get what I'm trying to say. Godel hit oil with his Incompleteness Theorem, which I think is somehow tied up in the infinitudes of the most fundamental parts of Nature. I recommend reading the book "Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid" by Daniel Hofstadter. It seems to be trying to capture this loopy nature of reality, but I don't think it's possible to fully understand it. It's always just beyond our fingertips.
one enlightenment follows another
yet somehow...it seems all the same
The rules of reality itself
fold into a fractal
Here I'm talking about the repeating themes we come across in exploring the Law's of Nature. The hierarchies. The shifts in paradigms, etc. I'm too lazy to really explain in normal words, but maybe you get what I'm trying to say. Godel hit oil with his Incompleteness Theorem, which I think is somehow tied up in the infinitudes of the most fundamental parts of Nature. I recommend reading the book "Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid" by Daniel Hofstadter. It seems to be trying to capture this loopy nature of reality, but I don't think it's possible to fully understand it. It's always just beyond our fingertips.
Praxis
In a place called Praxis,
the music is beautiful
and the candlegods sing
the people explore the sky sea above
and revel in discovery
This is a fantasy land I conceptualized. The name and the idea of a candlegod comes from the album cover of "Transmutation (Mutation Mutandis)"by the band called "Praxis". I think I'd like to take up fantasy writing someday. But I want it to be true fantasy, something unique and inspired by that which inspires me alone. A land full of ridiculous bizzarities I can revel in where everything has some sort of buzz in my life, whether it be a word that I like the sound of, or an outlandish concept. I think Escher's or Salvador (spelling?) Dali's art is what I'm getting at. In this land, I'd try to take archetypes and turn them into their ultimate extremes. A land of beautiful contrast. Maybe I'll write a short-story sometime.
the music is beautiful
and the candlegods sing
the people explore the sky sea above
and revel in discovery
This is a fantasy land I conceptualized. The name and the idea of a candlegod comes from the album cover of "Transmutation (Mutation Mutandis)"by the band called "Praxis". I think I'd like to take up fantasy writing someday. But I want it to be true fantasy, something unique and inspired by that which inspires me alone. A land full of ridiculous bizzarities I can revel in where everything has some sort of buzz in my life, whether it be a word that I like the sound of, or an outlandish concept. I think Escher's or Salvador (spelling?) Dali's art is what I'm getting at. In this land, I'd try to take archetypes and turn them into their ultimate extremes. A land of beautiful contrast. Maybe I'll write a short-story sometime.
The Golden Man
The doors swept open
and in he strode
his eyes were thunder
his heart was pure
his intentions through devastation
would bring salvation
This imagery is of the archetype of a man of great power that shines as bright as the Sun. In short, the Jesus archetype. Except there's a bit more to it. He has to destroy to save. The beauty of this archetype I experienced in The Wheel of Time series.
and in he strode
his eyes were thunder
his heart was pure
his intentions through devastation
would bring salvation
This imagery is of the archetype of a man of great power that shines as bright as the Sun. In short, the Jesus archetype. Except there's a bit more to it. He has to destroy to save. The beauty of this archetype I experienced in The Wheel of Time series.
Fantasy
When one becomes immersed in a fantasy,
sometimes he will wish that the fantasy were reality,
and the reality just fantasy.
sometimes he will wish that the fantasy were reality,
and the reality just fantasy.
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